old habits die hard
#au #in which quinn went back to yale after her two time thing #made it a thirty-two time thing #cut her hair again #and dug out the blazers #and is now ready to tell rachel she’s in love with her #so she went to her audition to watch the shiniest star of her heart #achieve her dreams
JESUS TAKE THE WHEEL.
If there was something Quinn knew, it was struggle.
All her life, she had struggled to know her God, her face, her family, herself. Along the way, her struggles had determined the friends she’d made, the boys she’d kissed, and the would-be friends she’d pushed aside.
Quinn Fabray had led a cheerleading squad to victory, had supported a glee club to its attainment of national prestige, and had even brought another human being into existence.
Reading books, tucked away in the corner, had been her connection to Lucy. But Lucy hadn’t been cut out for the world of Quinn Fabray. Quinn had been a shield, a defense.
A lie that had become truth somewhere along the way.
But if Lucy had taught Quinn anything, it was that there was true merit to being faithful to yourself.
Despite the struggles.
“What are you thinking?”
The words barely escaped Quinn’s lips as her lungs exhaled them outward with a courage that had been building half her life and with gumption that she didn’t know she had accumulated inside herself somewhere along the way.
But she was met with an unfamiliar stillness.
If there was one person who seemed self-assured, self-righteous, and self-confident beyond all others, it was Rachel Berry. Hesitancy was not typical of her character.
Quinn would have given anything to hear what the girl was thinking, quiet and still below her.
I wish I could—
You have no idea—
Your lips look unbelievably soft…
Quinn had struggled.
She had struggled from day one on a seemingly endless timeline of pain and frustration, dues paid, and rewards earned but misplaced.
But here she was anyway—begging, pleading for this one chance happenstance to swing in her favor.
Let her see, her thoughts raged while her body remained steadfast, let her see that she is all there ever was.
Because, for Quinn, the answers were
I have some idea—
Trust me, yours do too…
Not even a quiver shook Rachel’s lips, but her body spoke where her mind could not. Her hesitancy in action was no match for the true desire of her heart; Rachel’s body moved of its own volition, and who was Quinn to argue?
Head, ducked; lips, touched; breath, caught.
If they weren’t destined for this moment, then Quinn surely didn’t know the meaning of the word.
Who was I ever and what could I have been in the absence of this?
Nothing. Nothing. Nothing.
The reciprocity of touch, the surge of passion, the way Quinn’s lips visibly wiped away the slightest hint of surprise.
“You are mine,” Rachel whispered.
There was the confidence, the courage, the girl of Quinn’s greatest realities.
The searing, verbal brand of ownership was nothing, to Quinn, if not everything.
“Always have been,” she replied. “Always will be.”
but if you can’t look inside you
find out who i am too
#a lot of quinn’s frustration with rachel can be traced back to her own self-loathing #her own personal demons and failures and how rachel is the lucy that never gave in. who loved herself enough. #and i think it creates this weird mix of envy and protectiveness #that little part of her that quinn knows she’s never going to get back because she snuffed it out#she can see glimmers of it in the way rachel dreams so optimistically #and when rachel’s down i think quinn can see it too - reminds her of her own nights spent crying into her pillow #but it doesn’t cause quinn to baby her oh no #i think she hates it as much as part of herself misses it #and that frustration results in the easiest course of action quinn knows how to take - to lash out #she says what needs to be said. she gives that push because lucys of the world don’t survive if they’re too weak. and rachel can’t be weak. #because rachel is going to go do all the things in life that lucy never had the chance and quinn can’t even dream anymore #get it right is a great example of that - ‘you don’t belong here rachel’ #all of quinn’s desperate schemes to stay top dog is suddenly so clear and sad as to why. it’s all the relevancy she can picture for herself #before she quietly fades away into the background and lives that sad little life she planned for herself #and then there’s rachel with all this potential still and fucking right it frustrates and pisses quinn off #rachel is the living breathing inspiration that quinn doesn’t want to hurt herself with wanting #but then you fastforward a bit and quinn’s not so stuck seeing herself going nowhere and that need to destroy lucy isn’t so strong anymore #and knowing rachel’s destiny outside of lima isn’t so bitter anymore #it’s something to be protected - even from rachel herself when she gets a little too lost or close to giving in #because lucys of the world aren’t ugly little things to be hidden #lucys of the world are beautiful people who deserve to be celebrated and given every chance
this is a thing that happened.
The girl in the background looks so pissed off. “I just wanted to pee at my prom in peace. I did not ask for the scissor sisters to barge in here in a rainbow explosion. For chrissake, this is a bathroom, not the afterparty at a Tegan and Sara concert. Go make out somewhere else..”
Quinn knew this was her story. Her life story was loving Rachel.
you can pinpoint the exact moment where quinn thinks aggressively DAMMIT SANTANA NOT IN FRONT OF HER